Hurray
Tuesday, november 23rd, 2004
4:00pm - Yay. It's Tuesday. Right. Another day. Hurray for my side.
Okay, so, like I have this bipolar thing, and I have these little seizure things, and I have my addiction, and I have my dissociative episodes. Am I forgetting anything?? Don't think so. Anyway, thanks to all of the above I have lost the following: a possibly interesting career helping others; I have lost my TV priviledges; I have lost my laptop; I have lost my driving priviledgs; I have lost my mind; I gained and lost my voices; I am slowly driving my wife nuts; I have a 7 year old who gets freaked out when I leave the house, cause he's afraid I may not be coming back; I don't actually trust myself very much; I've lost ability to help out with the kids at church. I dunno. There're probably other things, but I can't think of them now. Actually, that's enough.
Okay, like, the career thing isn't really a thing, cause I can always (ha!) find another job. The TV thing, well, I do get kinda bored sometimes, and having that would be sorta handy. My laptop isn't really that big a thing, but it still hurts. My ability to drive, though, that really sucks 'cause I really enjoyed driving the kids to school. Losing my mind isn't that big a deal, either, when you really think about it. It's not like I was using it, or anything. My voices. Well, that's kinda of interesting, really. I've been thinking a lot about them the past few days. I miss them. Simple enough. They understood me. They understood what I was going through. They knew what I was feeling almost better than I did. In their own twisted way, they cared about me. They cared more about me than I do. Shit. I can't say enough about how much I depend on Heidi. She deserves better than that. I genuinely wish I could do more, but I can't. The 7 year old, wow, that's a big bummer. He's acting out a lot, doing some seriously improper things on the bus, and there's shit I can do about it. Oh, yeah, I get to be the bad guy when he gets home. Great. Trusting myself, well, it really just has to do with my mood swings, and the little seizures. The kids at church, well, I volunteered once a month to help out with one of the classes. I got a call today that I've been relieved of that honor. You know, until I get better.
I'm feeling very hurt, very raw and vulnerable.
4:00pm - Yay. It's Tuesday. Right. Another day. Hurray for my side.
Okay, so, like I have this bipolar thing, and I have these little seizure things, and I have my addiction, and I have my dissociative episodes. Am I forgetting anything?? Don't think so. Anyway, thanks to all of the above I have lost the following: a possibly interesting career helping others; I have lost my TV priviledges; I have lost my laptop; I have lost my driving priviledgs; I have lost my mind; I gained and lost my voices; I am slowly driving my wife nuts; I have a 7 year old who gets freaked out when I leave the house, cause he's afraid I may not be coming back; I don't actually trust myself very much; I've lost ability to help out with the kids at church. I dunno. There're probably other things, but I can't think of them now. Actually, that's enough.
Okay, like, the career thing isn't really a thing, cause I can always (ha!) find another job. The TV thing, well, I do get kinda bored sometimes, and having that would be sorta handy. My laptop isn't really that big a thing, but it still hurts. My ability to drive, though, that really sucks 'cause I really enjoyed driving the kids to school. Losing my mind isn't that big a deal, either, when you really think about it. It's not like I was using it, or anything. My voices. Well, that's kinda of interesting, really. I've been thinking a lot about them the past few days. I miss them. Simple enough. They understood me. They understood what I was going through. They knew what I was feeling almost better than I did. In their own twisted way, they cared about me. They cared more about me than I do. Shit. I can't say enough about how much I depend on Heidi. She deserves better than that. I genuinely wish I could do more, but I can't. The 7 year old, wow, that's a big bummer. He's acting out a lot, doing some seriously improper things on the bus, and there's shit I can do about it. Oh, yeah, I get to be the bad guy when he gets home. Great. Trusting myself, well, it really just has to do with my mood swings, and the little seizures. The kids at church, well, I volunteered once a month to help out with one of the classes. I got a call today that I've been relieved of that honor. You know, until I get better.
I'm feeling very hurt, very raw and vulnerable.
posted by Cherrycat at 4:04 PM
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