Temporal Lobe
Friday, November 19th, 2004
7:35am - You know how sometimes you're just having a bad day, or year, and you say to yourself, "Well, it could be worse." Don't do it. Don't say it. How about if you've been having some difficulties and things are starting to look good for the immediate future. Pretty cool, huh?? Don't believe it. You are merely being set up for the hammer to fall.
I suppose it all has to do with faith. Do I ocassionally believe it could be worse?? Certainly!! Do I sometimes believe that things are looking good for me?? You betcha!! Do I generally get burned by these pseudo-possitive thoughts?? Most regularly.
I've been busting my butt since this whole crap started back in August. I've been trying to do all the right things. There have been a bunch of setbacks along the day, of course, but I think that with the help of friends and family I've been able to handle them. Not always well, but I have at least made the effort.
I got my nuts kicked in yesterday. Figuratively speaking. I dunno if I'ev made mention of this or not, but here goes. Since 1979, when I was in the car accident, I have had periods of ... I dunno what to call them. A few times I've passed out for no apparent reason. Basically, I'm standing there, and then I'm sprawled on the floor. A few moments, or minutes, later, I'm up and about again as thought nothing has happened. That's one of the things. The other things is that now and again I get these little brain farts where I just go away. I'll be sitting at the table eating and my fork will suddenly stop half-way between me and the plate, while I go and take a mental vacation. I have no idea what happens during these episodes, nor am I even aware that they are taking place. The only way I know about them is if someone happens to be around when I have one. Heidi has tried calling my name, and speaking to me during these episodes, but has been unable to get any response from me. I eventually "snap" out of it and continue what I was doing just prior to the "gap."
There was one particular time that I was aware of it happening simply because of the circumstances. I was bring the boys home from school a couple of years ago. We stopped at a red light. The boys were in the back of the van, chattering away. Suddenly I opened my eyes to discover that the light had changed to green and that I had no idea what had happened. Pretty neat, huh?? As you can see, this would be an extremely sucky thing to have happend while driving along, say, the turnpike, doing 70.
We made an appointment at the U of Penn Hospital, with their neurology department. It is suspected that these may be episodes of "Temporal Lobe Epilepsy." Cool. I have yet another thing wrong with me!! So, bottom line that They suspect I have these things, but are as yet unable to make a proper diagnosis. Okay. Meantime, they have to write a letter to the Department of Transportation to tell them that I have these episodes and that I shouldn't be allowed to drive. They told me that to get my license back I would have to go six months straight without a single episode. Oh, yah, like that's gonna happen!!
Little by little, the few things in life that I enjoyed are being taken away from me. I'm trying really hard to accept these changes. I mean, what choice do I have?? But, I am getting really frustrated. Angry, too. I was really upset all of yesterday, after the appointment. I have no idea how much more I can take.
7:35am - You know how sometimes you're just having a bad day, or year, and you say to yourself, "Well, it could be worse." Don't do it. Don't say it. How about if you've been having some difficulties and things are starting to look good for the immediate future. Pretty cool, huh?? Don't believe it. You are merely being set up for the hammer to fall.
I suppose it all has to do with faith. Do I ocassionally believe it could be worse?? Certainly!! Do I sometimes believe that things are looking good for me?? You betcha!! Do I generally get burned by these pseudo-possitive thoughts?? Most regularly.
I've been busting my butt since this whole crap started back in August. I've been trying to do all the right things. There have been a bunch of setbacks along the day, of course, but I think that with the help of friends and family I've been able to handle them. Not always well, but I have at least made the effort.
I got my nuts kicked in yesterday. Figuratively speaking. I dunno if I'ev made mention of this or not, but here goes. Since 1979, when I was in the car accident, I have had periods of ... I dunno what to call them. A few times I've passed out for no apparent reason. Basically, I'm standing there, and then I'm sprawled on the floor. A few moments, or minutes, later, I'm up and about again as thought nothing has happened. That's one of the things. The other things is that now and again I get these little brain farts where I just go away. I'll be sitting at the table eating and my fork will suddenly stop half-way between me and the plate, while I go and take a mental vacation. I have no idea what happens during these episodes, nor am I even aware that they are taking place. The only way I know about them is if someone happens to be around when I have one. Heidi has tried calling my name, and speaking to me during these episodes, but has been unable to get any response from me. I eventually "snap" out of it and continue what I was doing just prior to the "gap."
There was one particular time that I was aware of it happening simply because of the circumstances. I was bring the boys home from school a couple of years ago. We stopped at a red light. The boys were in the back of the van, chattering away. Suddenly I opened my eyes to discover that the light had changed to green and that I had no idea what had happened. Pretty neat, huh?? As you can see, this would be an extremely sucky thing to have happend while driving along, say, the turnpike, doing 70.
We made an appointment at the U of Penn Hospital, with their neurology department. It is suspected that these may be episodes of "Temporal Lobe Epilepsy." Cool. I have yet another thing wrong with me!! So, bottom line that They suspect I have these things, but are as yet unable to make a proper diagnosis. Okay. Meantime, they have to write a letter to the Department of Transportation to tell them that I have these episodes and that I shouldn't be allowed to drive. They told me that to get my license back I would have to go six months straight without a single episode. Oh, yah, like that's gonna happen!!
Little by little, the few things in life that I enjoyed are being taken away from me. I'm trying really hard to accept these changes. I mean, what choice do I have?? But, I am getting really frustrated. Angry, too. I was really upset all of yesterday, after the appointment. I have no idea how much more I can take.
posted by Cherrycat at 7:35 AM
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