Windshields

Wednesday, November 10th, 2004

8:30pm - Another day, another bunch of pills down the gullet. I realized this weekend that I haven't updated this thing in a long while. I just added some of the stuff I wrote over the weekend, so that's a start. There's a bunch of stuff in my journal, though, that hasn't been transcribed. I dunno if I'll ever get around to it, but I am going to try to keep with this thing from now on.

For many years I always thought of God and the church as a crutch people used when they weren't able to handle their own shit. Ooh, i have this terrible thing!! I'll join a church and pray every night and everything will be hunky dory again!! Right. But, I did have faith at one time. Honest to goodness, wow, there is a God, kinda faith. I believed. I prayed. I went to church. Life was good. Then, one day I got sick and, instead of asking God for help, I kicked God right out of my life. I've said some unkind things about God the past couple of months. I meant them, and I am not taking them back. I am, however, beginning to realize that I may not have really been angry with God at all. I don't know. I'm still trying to sort out my emotions on this one.

I don't actually have a lot to say tonight. I think I'm coming down with something. My throat's been kinda sore all day, and now I'm feeling achy all over. Great, just what I need, on top of everything else. Sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes your the bug. I need a turn at being the windshield ...