Attack Of The Super
Monday, November 22nd, 2004
7:00pm - Manic. Euphoric. Hyper. Excited. Overexcited. Raving. Up. High. Frenzied. Wild. Bananas. Whacko. Maniacal. Mad. Any and all of the above!! Woohoo!!! I am riding high today!! Wow!! I haven't felt like this in a reeaallllly long time!! What a rush!! This is just terrific!! Yeah, baby!! This the good part of the roller coaster ride!! Well, maybe not the good part, but it is pretty neat!!
Okay, so like when I crash it's really gonna suck, but for right now, I am enjoying this ride!! I mean, wow, I actually feel, well, good. Great, even!! It is amazing!! Truly so!! Since this whole thing started I haven't actually felt this way. It's just a wow kinda thing!! Okay, maybe saying I feel good is a a bit of a stretch. Whatever. I don't actually care. Yeah!! And I feel good about not caring. Ha!!
Man, this is really unbelievable. I dunno what caused it, except maybe cause I spent the afternoon hanging out with a friend I hadn't seen in a really long time, and I was able to tell him all the crap that I've been going through over the past few months, and he was very understanding, and asked a bunch of really good, pertinent questions, and really wanted to understand what I was going through, and was just a really great pal about the whole thing, even though some of the stuff I told him was kinda rough, and a little freaky, but he was just real understanding, and boy golly, I certainly could use more friends like that, cause I just feel really great about the whole thing, even though it was a little tough getting some of the stuff out, but I managed to do it, and the world didn't exactly come to an end, and nothing really bad happened, like my head exploding or anything, so I need to maybe try reaching out to other people, and maybe lighten the load on Heidi, and myself, cause sometimes it's really rough being me, and dumping on Heidi all the time is not necessarily such a great thing, and she's put up with a lot of stuff from me over the past few months, and I really love her very much, and she's been nothing but a real trooper during this whole messy thingness that I've been going through, and I am one lucky dude to have her as my support. I don't think that's a very well structured sentence, but it felt good to write it!!
I dunno what else to say, really, other than I feel good. Yah, I'm gonna crash tomorrow, probably, but that's tomorrow and I ain't gonna worry about until it shows up. It is kinda freaky knowing that this not a "normal" state of being. No way could the body/mind handle this euphoria long term. No way. I would end up back in the hospital, sure as shit, and that's something I don't want, so in really sick and twisted sort of way I would much rather live with the "depressed" me. No, actually, I would like to find a happy medium. You know, where I can enjoy some stuff, and not enjoy some stuff. You know, like "normal" people do. I mean, I dunno what normal is, actually, and it might not even exist, and maybe everybody else is just as messed up in the head as I am, only they're hiding or handling it better than me, so maybe I am okay and all of you guys are fucked up and need to visit a psych ward for a couple of weeks, which would be an extremely illuminating experience for anyone!!!
Okay, so, like, I'm kinda rambling, really, with very little of import to say, which is okay, cause sometimes you just gotta say a whole lotta nothing, just cause it might feel okay to do it. Or not, which is okay, too. So, like, yeah. There you go. Sometimes not feeling okay is okay!! Just like sometimes feeling okay is okay. Hmm. I think I'm losing my concentration a little bit. That's okay, though. I mean, maybe I just ran outta things to say, you know. Ah, well. If I think of anything else I'll add it later. Or tomorrow. Or not. Whatever.
7:00pm - Manic. Euphoric. Hyper. Excited. Overexcited. Raving. Up. High. Frenzied. Wild. Bananas. Whacko. Maniacal. Mad. Any and all of the above!! Woohoo!!! I am riding high today!! Wow!! I haven't felt like this in a reeaallllly long time!! What a rush!! This is just terrific!! Yeah, baby!! This the good part of the roller coaster ride!! Well, maybe not the good part, but it is pretty neat!!
Okay, so like when I crash it's really gonna suck, but for right now, I am enjoying this ride!! I mean, wow, I actually feel, well, good. Great, even!! It is amazing!! Truly so!! Since this whole thing started I haven't actually felt this way. It's just a wow kinda thing!! Okay, maybe saying I feel good is a a bit of a stretch. Whatever. I don't actually care. Yeah!! And I feel good about not caring. Ha!!
Man, this is really unbelievable. I dunno what caused it, except maybe cause I spent the afternoon hanging out with a friend I hadn't seen in a really long time, and I was able to tell him all the crap that I've been going through over the past few months, and he was very understanding, and asked a bunch of really good, pertinent questions, and really wanted to understand what I was going through, and was just a really great pal about the whole thing, even though some of the stuff I told him was kinda rough, and a little freaky, but he was just real understanding, and boy golly, I certainly could use more friends like that, cause I just feel really great about the whole thing, even though it was a little tough getting some of the stuff out, but I managed to do it, and the world didn't exactly come to an end, and nothing really bad happened, like my head exploding or anything, so I need to maybe try reaching out to other people, and maybe lighten the load on Heidi, and myself, cause sometimes it's really rough being me, and dumping on Heidi all the time is not necessarily such a great thing, and she's put up with a lot of stuff from me over the past few months, and I really love her very much, and she's been nothing but a real trooper during this whole messy thingness that I've been going through, and I am one lucky dude to have her as my support. I don't think that's a very well structured sentence, but it felt good to write it!!
I dunno what else to say, really, other than I feel good. Yah, I'm gonna crash tomorrow, probably, but that's tomorrow and I ain't gonna worry about until it shows up. It is kinda freaky knowing that this not a "normal" state of being. No way could the body/mind handle this euphoria long term. No way. I would end up back in the hospital, sure as shit, and that's something I don't want, so in really sick and twisted sort of way I would much rather live with the "depressed" me. No, actually, I would like to find a happy medium. You know, where I can enjoy some stuff, and not enjoy some stuff. You know, like "normal" people do. I mean, I dunno what normal is, actually, and it might not even exist, and maybe everybody else is just as messed up in the head as I am, only they're hiding or handling it better than me, so maybe I am okay and all of you guys are fucked up and need to visit a psych ward for a couple of weeks, which would be an extremely illuminating experience for anyone!!!
Okay, so, like, I'm kinda rambling, really, with very little of import to say, which is okay, cause sometimes you just gotta say a whole lotta nothing, just cause it might feel okay to do it. Or not, which is okay, too. So, like, yeah. There you go. Sometimes not feeling okay is okay!! Just like sometimes feeling okay is okay. Hmm. I think I'm losing my concentration a little bit. That's okay, though. I mean, maybe I just ran outta things to say, you know. Ah, well. If I think of anything else I'll add it later. Or tomorrow. Or not. Whatever.
posted by Cherrycat at 7:40 PM
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