~Angry fish hands
The tank is looking bad. I don't know what all I'm looking at so when I say it looks bad, it is probably really bad. I fed them tonight so my hands smell fishy
and I added fresh water to the salt mixer but, wow, it looks bad. I haven't been able to find the amemone for several days. I wonder if she packed up and left? Well, that will be a whole day at least for him to clean that mess up.
I talked with the social worker today and she said he'll meet with a psychologist tomorrow and then they'll release him. He has sounded really up the last few days. Really up. Like, are the meds finally working or is this one great big face? I know the real test is what he chooses to do with himself once he gets home.
I talked to Terri today and she said that the church can more than use him to volunteer on Thursdays and Fridays so that's two days of the week and it's doing someting useful and meaningful. She would really like to talk with him and hopes he will be open to talking with her. I told her about his interest in going on a mission trip somewhere or doing *something* meaningful and that Target just doesn't cut it for meaningful work.
The boys and I had a fairly "normal" evening for what our normal has become. They were both really good about getting homework done. K helped me get dinner ready, D helped me get dishes washed and they both carried their laundry to the basement for me. K collected up all of the trash since they have rehearsal tomorrow night and he won't be able to do it then.
I'm feeling really tired. All day, I've just wanted to put my head down and take a nap. I've got a few loads of laundry I want to get through before I go lie down. If I go down too early, then I'm awake at 2 am and can't get back to sleep.
Feelings are just sort of not there. I have too many things to do, to think about and to wish I had the time to do. I'm ok with where I am in the world, I'm ok with myself and with who I am. There's lots I'd like to change and I'm working on them, little at time. Like, I do think I've gotten a bit more organized. I get forgetful when I get really stressed and I'm learning to filter out that which is not important. I catch myself telling the boys about something that they should be ignoring that they're not and I realize that I haven't done the same for myself. Being more aware for them has made me more aware.
I've found I am much more in tune with myself the last few weeks as I have been forced to spend more time with the boys. I love spending time with them and that is something I wish I had more time to do. Then there's stuff that needs to get done and I find myself trying to figure out who or where to take them so I can get done whatever it is I need to get done. Then I feel guilty. Overall. though, I think I've managed it all really well. I think the boys have done a lot of growing as well. D has been stretched and needs lots of extra attention and he outright asks for it. I'm ready for it all to be done with but I know that it will be a long time coming till anything feels even remotely "normal" again.
I realized tonight, too, that the boys have both been able to express their anger in ways that JC does not normally allow them to which I think has helped both of them to deal with everything. Last night, D was upset that he couldn't watch a movie when he came inside just before bedtime from playing with friends all afternoon and evening. He moped around getting ready for bed SOBBING like there was no tomorrow. When I called his name for something, he stopped right away, answered me and then went right back to his crying. He did it nicely, no screaming or tantrums, just politely walked around wailing till he was all done. Tonight, I sent K to the basement to bring laundry up and he selectively did not hear me the first two times I asked so when I finally got his attention and sent him down, he was upset that I yelled at him and that I was asking him to do one more thing. So he stomped all the way down the stairs. They were both doing what I wanted them to do so who was I to critique their method of expressing their anger? I yell and scream and occasionally throw and slam things around when I get mad. I smoke and drink when I'm stressed. I'd rather they learn some better choices than I was ever taught.
and I added fresh water to the salt mixer but, wow, it looks bad. I haven't been able to find the amemone for several days. I wonder if she packed up and left? Well, that will be a whole day at least for him to clean that mess up.
I talked with the social worker today and she said he'll meet with a psychologist tomorrow and then they'll release him. He has sounded really up the last few days. Really up. Like, are the meds finally working or is this one great big face? I know the real test is what he chooses to do with himself once he gets home.
I talked to Terri today and she said that the church can more than use him to volunteer on Thursdays and Fridays so that's two days of the week and it's doing someting useful and meaningful. She would really like to talk with him and hopes he will be open to talking with her. I told her about his interest in going on a mission trip somewhere or doing *something* meaningful and that Target just doesn't cut it for meaningful work.
The boys and I had a fairly "normal" evening for what our normal has become. They were both really good about getting homework done. K helped me get dinner ready, D helped me get dishes washed and they both carried their laundry to the basement for me. K collected up all of the trash since they have rehearsal tomorrow night and he won't be able to do it then.
I'm feeling really tired. All day, I've just wanted to put my head down and take a nap. I've got a few loads of laundry I want to get through before I go lie down. If I go down too early, then I'm awake at 2 am and can't get back to sleep.
Feelings are just sort of not there. I have too many things to do, to think about and to wish I had the time to do. I'm ok with where I am in the world, I'm ok with myself and with who I am. There's lots I'd like to change and I'm working on them, little at time. Like, I do think I've gotten a bit more organized. I get forgetful when I get really stressed and I'm learning to filter out that which is not important. I catch myself telling the boys about something that they should be ignoring that they're not and I realize that I haven't done the same for myself. Being more aware for them has made me more aware.
I've found I am much more in tune with myself the last few weeks as I have been forced to spend more time with the boys. I love spending time with them and that is something I wish I had more time to do. Then there's stuff that needs to get done and I find myself trying to figure out who or where to take them so I can get done whatever it is I need to get done. Then I feel guilty. Overall. though, I think I've managed it all really well. I think the boys have done a lot of growing as well. D has been stretched and needs lots of extra attention and he outright asks for it. I'm ready for it all to be done with but I know that it will be a long time coming till anything feels even remotely "normal" again.
I realized tonight, too, that the boys have both been able to express their anger in ways that JC does not normally allow them to which I think has helped both of them to deal with everything. Last night, D was upset that he couldn't watch a movie when he came inside just before bedtime from playing with friends all afternoon and evening. He moped around getting ready for bed SOBBING like there was no tomorrow. When I called his name for something, he stopped right away, answered me and then went right back to his crying. He did it nicely, no screaming or tantrums, just politely walked around wailing till he was all done. Tonight, I sent K to the basement to bring laundry up and he selectively did not hear me the first two times I asked so when I finally got his attention and sent him down, he was upset that I yelled at him and that I was asking him to do one more thing. So he stomped all the way down the stairs. They were both doing what I wanted them to do so who was I to critique their method of expressing their anger? I yell and scream and occasionally throw and slam things around when I get mad. I smoke and drink when I'm stressed. I'd rather they learn some better choices than I was ever taught.
posted by Cherrycat at 8:40 PM
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