~The Wife Unit
~Hurricane Jeanne swept through here yesterday. Two hour drive home and a whole lotta water everywhere. Sal and Scott couldn't get through the roads to make it down to see JC. Gary made it home long before I and took the boys over to his place for popcorn and video games. K made dinner for himself and D for the second night in a row! We'll have to have this little crisis days more often!
I was already to the expressway when my cell phone had enough charge to let me know there was a voicemail. It was Carol letting me know that school was closed for the day. God really is watching over us. I made a bunch of calls and made it to the bank with checks I've been carrying around for a month and haven't had time to deposit. The social worker from Horsham called and we set up a time for me to go down to meet with her and JC for family counseling.
WOW! Was she ever great! We covered alot in the little bit of time we had with her. She was a wealth of good resources and readings and calm. She peeked at every wound and was able to find some that we didn't even realize were there. She got JC to smile and be excited about life for a little tiny window and she breathed hope into my empty soul. She had quotes hanging all over her walls and between those and some of the things she suggested, many were familiar things that I have drawn on in the past so she comes from whence I passed. It was comforting to say the least. The one thing she told us about was a couple who kept a joint journal. So ... here I am. He can kick me out if he wants but I don't think that will happen. We both communicate best through our written words so it may very well be the thing to save us both each and together.
He read a bit of his journal to her during the session and she had to take pause. She asked if he wrote professionally and when he said no, she told him she does and he should. Bob told him that yesterday and Andrew told him that last weekend. She even knew of and recommended a publication where he could submit his writing. At least the ones from the psychiatric unit. The JC MO that we've identified of late is that when someone tells him he's good at something, he runs away as fast as he can. He cops out with the excuse that sometimes it's that the job is no longer a challenge. Well, writing about what is going on in his head will be the exercise of a lifetime because there will always be a challenge there. It's never boring in that space between his ears.
I keep getting the question, "So how are YOU doing??" I have so much support it is almost too much. The Thursday group sessions at STAR, the counselor pointed out that most women retreat and isolate themselves whereas I have reached out in a big huge way. The response has been nothing short of overwhelming. I've never talked so much about stuff so intimate to so many people ever. Well, OK, so there were probably a few million listening when I did Howard Stern but it's not like that was intimate feelings and anyway that was ... 9 years ago? A lifetime ago. Writing here is almost as bad as you don't know who all is reading it. It could be anybody. But then, so could I and so could what we are going through. Dr K's first response was, "Oh, that is so common!" Like as if I was telling her about my kid being ADD or about postpartum depression or something. Well, it sure wasn't common to me a month ago! At this point, I've accepted what we have for what it is and while a diagnoses does not define who a person is, they sure help to understand what beast you are working with.
I have called the current state of affairs, "JC Soup". There are so many things that have gone in to making him who he is and there are so many things coming out of him right now and there are so many, many doctors and therapists and counselors and social workers and therapy partners and dear dear friends and family all contributing. And the meds!! I've had to write them all down to keep track.
So what is the medical diagnoses? Hmm. Which one? It was Major Depressive Disorder when he first went into Bryn Mawr and then changed to Manic Depressive. Somewhere in there, we added Sex Addict or more specifically having a Pornography Addiction. When Dr Catton brought up nasopharyngial probes (yeww!!) I found Temporal Lobe Epilipepsy and I am definately hung up on that for a part of what I see in him. Oh, well then I guess there is still the possibility of Demonic Possession. He thinks that one is going a bit too far but I've not entirely discounted it quite yet.
There's an awful lot about all of this that I just don't know and much that I don't want to know. My brain feels like it is about to explode with everything going on. I have been self-medicating with nicotine, beer and chocolate. The best part is I've lost the last of the baby weight! I've been going kayaking when I can, reading the Bible regularly, sleeping fairly well and taking long luxiourious showers. Other than that, I am coping. The boys and dogs and bords and rats are fed, I've done my best with the salt tank (??!!??) and I get up every morning and do it all over again. And I think all of that is pret-ty darn com-mendable. ~
I was already to the expressway when my cell phone had enough charge to let me know there was a voicemail. It was Carol letting me know that school was closed for the day. God really is watching over us. I made a bunch of calls and made it to the bank with checks I've been carrying around for a month and haven't had time to deposit. The social worker from Horsham called and we set up a time for me to go down to meet with her and JC for family counseling.
WOW! Was she ever great! We covered alot in the little bit of time we had with her. She was a wealth of good resources and readings and calm. She peeked at every wound and was able to find some that we didn't even realize were there. She got JC to smile and be excited about life for a little tiny window and she breathed hope into my empty soul. She had quotes hanging all over her walls and between those and some of the things she suggested, many were familiar things that I have drawn on in the past so she comes from whence I passed. It was comforting to say the least. The one thing she told us about was a couple who kept a joint journal. So ... here I am. He can kick me out if he wants but I don't think that will happen. We both communicate best through our written words so it may very well be the thing to save us both each and together.
He read a bit of his journal to her during the session and she had to take pause. She asked if he wrote professionally and when he said no, she told him she does and he should. Bob told him that yesterday and Andrew told him that last weekend. She even knew of and recommended a publication where he could submit his writing. At least the ones from the psychiatric unit. The JC MO that we've identified of late is that when someone tells him he's good at something, he runs away as fast as he can. He cops out with the excuse that sometimes it's that the job is no longer a challenge. Well, writing about what is going on in his head will be the exercise of a lifetime because there will always be a challenge there. It's never boring in that space between his ears.
I keep getting the question, "So how are YOU doing??" I have so much support it is almost too much. The Thursday group sessions at STAR, the counselor pointed out that most women retreat and isolate themselves whereas I have reached out in a big huge way. The response has been nothing short of overwhelming. I've never talked so much about stuff so intimate to so many people ever. Well, OK, so there were probably a few million listening when I did Howard Stern but it's not like that was intimate feelings and anyway that was ... 9 years ago? A lifetime ago. Writing here is almost as bad as you don't know who all is reading it. It could be anybody. But then, so could I and so could what we are going through. Dr K's first response was, "Oh, that is so common!" Like as if I was telling her about my kid being ADD or about postpartum depression or something. Well, it sure wasn't common to me a month ago! At this point, I've accepted what we have for what it is and while a diagnoses does not define who a person is, they sure help to understand what beast you are working with.
I have called the current state of affairs, "JC Soup". There are so many things that have gone in to making him who he is and there are so many things coming out of him right now and there are so many, many doctors and therapists and counselors and social workers and therapy partners and dear dear friends and family all contributing. And the meds!! I've had to write them all down to keep track.
So what is the medical diagnoses? Hmm. Which one? It was Major Depressive Disorder when he first went into Bryn Mawr and then changed to Manic Depressive. Somewhere in there, we added Sex Addict or more specifically having a Pornography Addiction. When Dr Catton brought up nasopharyngial probes (yeww!!) I found Temporal Lobe Epilipepsy and I am definately hung up on that for a part of what I see in him. Oh, well then I guess there is still the possibility of Demonic Possession. He thinks that one is going a bit too far but I've not entirely discounted it quite yet.
There's an awful lot about all of this that I just don't know and much that I don't want to know. My brain feels like it is about to explode with everything going on. I have been self-medicating with nicotine, beer and chocolate. The best part is I've lost the last of the baby weight! I've been going kayaking when I can, reading the Bible regularly, sleeping fairly well and taking long luxiourious showers. Other than that, I am coping. The boys and dogs and bords and rats are fed, I've done my best with the salt tank (??!!??) and I get up every morning and do it all over again. And I think all of that is pret-ty darn com-mendable. ~
posted by Cherrycat at 1:50 PM
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