Safe?

Don't know what to write about. I feel very much adrift, really unfocused. It's not confusion but lack of focus. I don't know. What is confusion??

At the moment I have less and more control than at home. I have nothing to worry about here, except me.

I'm actually looking forward to tomorrow. We get to watch the Eagles game.

This hospital stay feels very surreal. I'm still feeling very detached, very other. It's really weird.

Do I feel safe?? Here, yes I do. But in the back of ... No. I am very much aware of the factthat I won't feel safe once I'm out of here.

What am I so afraid of?? Maybe not "What", but "Why??"

I really thought I was getting better. I felt great Thursday night after the STAR group. I had a little acting out yesterday morning, which I tried to hide from Heidi. That was a mistake. It will not happen again.

My "goal" for today was to get more focused. That didn't happen. Well, it's not that I didn't try. I am trying, though. It's just not enough. Not yet.