Waiting

I admitted to Heidi today that I, on occasion, have auditory hallucinations. If I get angry enough, really raging, I have voices screaming at me to give in, to let the rage consume me. I fight them, I don't let them control me. I am afraid I won't always be able to control them.

So, I told Heidi, but I haven't told anybody else. I plan to change that today. I don't have a choice really. I am about to get admitted to another hospital.

I sort of lied to Heidi today, and I am sorry. When I told her about the voices, I told her the truth. Later, I tried to change the story, saying that I had not thought of the voices until today. Untrue, which she called me on. I was afraid to admit the voices exist. No longer.

I sincerely do wish to get better but I am struggling with the addiction and the depression. Crap. Which is feeding which? I wish I could get at least one under control. It would make dealing with the other much easier.