Heidi came

We (She!) spoke with the Doctor. It appears I am a lot worse off than I thought. I have an addiction. More of an obsession, actually, with pornography. Wow.

I guess deep down I always knew that, just never looked at it any closer. Funny how the mind works. I mean, I knew what I was doing was wrong, yet I couldn't stop myself from doing it. The bottom line appears to be that I will be here indefinately or at least 2 more weeks. The Doctor also wants to add Lithium to my meds. This ought to be interesting.

I am glad that Heidi has been able to establish dialogue with Andrew F, and I hope she can somehow get a hold of Robert. They were my brothers, even thought I never told them so.

There was also Greg. I have always regretted not paying my respects to Greg. That is something I need to do. Soon. I never had the same connection with Greg that I shared with Andrew & Bob, but he was still my friend and I miss him.

I miss a lot of people. Mostly, I miss myself. I don't really know who I was, and I know I can never again be that person. Maybe I just want to be able to enjoy life again. Whatever that means. Actually, it doesn't matter. All I need to worry about is getting myself better. For myself and my family.

I let Heidi take my journal home to read. I think she intends to put everything in the blog. I wish her luck for I wrote a lot!! It's amazing how easily the words have been coming. I am enjoying my writing. It's not easy, sometimes, putting some of my thoughts on paper, but I feel good about it.