Tuesday, August 31st, 2004, Pt II

I was trying to to write this when I went off on a tangent and wrote the letter to Andrew and Bob. I have no desire to finish it, so here it is ...

--Got up this morning around 5:30. Nitis needed to go out. But, I was awake before that. I had a major panic attack, in my sleep. Go figure. Now I can’t even escape in sleep. I remember some of the dream, though, and I’ll try to write it down.

Basically, I was looking for help. I kept walking around, opening doors, talking to people. Nobody could help me. I spoke with therapists, psychiatrists, nurses, and doctors. I think I even spoke with a priest. Nobody could help me. It doesn’t take a lot of imagination to guess what this dream means.

I woke in a panic. Hyperventilating, sweating, scared, angry, sad. Mostly scared. I got up and took the dogs outside. Dark. It was still very dark, and cool, with a lovely breeze blowing. I shivered, but enjoyed the moment. It was refreshing. Oh, I was still in panic mode, but I was outside, alone, and it was better than being inside, closer to the dream.