Shrink

I met with my Doc, which is the same as my weekend Doc. Go figure. Anyway, he's increasing my Lamictal to 50 mg daily. We shall see. He's also taken me off precautions, which means I get to walk to the Manor house for my meals. I also get my sneakers and my sweatshirt. Small things, granted, but necessary.

Heidi called to speak I think with the social worker. I'll call her in a little bit and find out what's what. I'm curious what they are telling her.

Both of my roomies are leaving today. Too bad. The evil I know vs the evil I don't know.

I feel pretty good right now. I'm gonna enjoy this feeling.

I was just thinking about what I'm gonna do once I get home. I am very much afraid. I'm afraid of being a dad. I'm afraid of being a husband. I'm afraid of being a friend. I don't know what it is about being "outside" that frightens me so.

As safe as places like this are, I feel, well, safe. I don't have to think. I don't have to feel. It wouldn't be much of a life, but I would be safe.