MON02JAN12

Well, wow. It's been quite some time since I last wrote anything here. I'd like to start making this a regular thing, posting on a daily basis. I have all sorts of cool plans for the coming year. I mean, I'm going to be 49 in just seven days!!

First, I'm going to stop doing McD for breakfast. I stop there every morning to get x2 sausage burritos and a large coke. $4.15, every morning. So, I'll stop doing that and save $120 a month!! Just amazing.

Secondly, I'm quitting smoking. Yeah. Right. We'll see how long that lasts. Hmm. It sounds as though I'm not taking this very seriously, but I really am. It's going to be one of those hourly check things. We'll see.

Third, I've started working on a budget. I'm collecting receipts for everything I do, or at least document where/how the money was spent. My hope is to be able to save enough money to take Dante and I to Colorado this summer. Grandiose dreams, I'm sure.

Fourthly, I've started to keep a budget. I'll try to hang on to every receipt, and keep a log of every expense. Just based on some reasonable numbers I put into the Excel sheet shows me putting $150 in savings, and even after that, there's perhaps another $200 left over the top. So, conceivably, I could end up saving $300+ a month!! Yow!!

Calls

This past Spring, with all the new dog people at the park, there's this one dude, Greg, and we just got along pretty well. Bunch of things in common, but no big deal. Just hung out at the park. But dude disappeared a lot, weeks at a time. I knew his old lady was pregnant so we talked about that for a bit. So, blow me away, the dude calls me last night to tell me the baby was born. I was the fourth person he called. Why?? It's not like we're close or anything. I don't understand people.

Living Arrangements

Hey, I'm straight right now.

So I've decided that the Lizard should not come down to Florida for Christmas, based on his current grades. I don't know what's up with him, and he won't talk about it with me. Am I doing the right thing?? Are his visits with me sacred enough that I shouldn't use them as punishment?? What else can we do?? Shit. I want him here!!

Just sent his mother a note telling her to send him down. I can withhold gifts, or curtail his computer usage, stuff other than making him stay in Phoenixville, which he absolutely hates. I think that's part of the problem, is his current living arrangements. He has to live with his mom, and her new husband. Dude's a dick-head. And the Lizard's stuck there. Thankfully, he has his older brother, and together they are managing. I'm not saying he would do better here, just that he's unhappy up there. If the schools here didn't suck ass as much as they do, I think I could make a case for him to be down here.

CAVU 2

So, I'm stoned again. A couple of months ago a guy from the park hooked me up with some weed. (Horribly expensive, and nothing to write home about.) That first night I had the absolute best sleep I'd had in over five years. I even went a couple of nights without my meds, and it didn't absolutely suck. And my sleep had continued sound until a couple of nights ago.

Nothing has changed. The nights have been chilly, but I've had to have the heater on cause my Dad gets cold easy. Maybe it was too warm. I don't know. A couple of nights ago, it was kinda warm, so I turned my little fan back on. Woke up in the middle of the night freezing cold. The next night it was pretty cool, so no fan. Woke up soaked in cold sweat. Last night it was chillier, so I threw another blanket on my bed. Woke up hot and covered in sweat. This hadn't happened in quite a while, the night sweats, and I'm not happy by its return.

Six years of exile to celebrate in thirty days. Nothing has changed. I can't move to PA, or anywhere else. I'm stuck here. Have I tried to get to like the place?? Nope. I disliked it before moving here. One thing I have done, completely by accident, is to acquire a small circle of influence. I don't think I can call any of them "friend," but they're more than mere acquaintances. I even trust some of these people, and I do care for them. These are my dog-park pack.

When I started going to the dog park there were few people using the facilities. The population increased as the summer wore on, then dropped to almost nothing after Daylight Savings. Weeko died that Winter. The following Spring brought a new batch of people, mostly with puppies. And Mei.

CAVU 1

Been a while since I wrote anything. It's just one of those things, you know?? I've thought about it numerous times, but I tend to forget. Actually, that's been happening to me a lot. I think of something, try to ponder it, and within seconds it is gone.

Ah. I'm too stoned to go on.

Baltimore

Monday, November 13th, 2006

12:25pm - Called the Kissimmee SS office this morning. The chick I spoke with said I need to come into the office with someone I can trust, who will become the Payee on my account. The SS has determined that, due to my condition, I am not able to manage my own finances. Fine. Dad will be my Payee. We have an appointment tomorrow morning at 9am. I'm glad I decided to make my calls, rather than wait around for something to happen, as my lawyer said. I wish I had done it sooner, though. I have things I want to do.

For starters, I want to be able to buy the boys Christmas presents. I know Dad's okay with footing the bill, but I want to be able to do it myself. Secondly, I told the boys I would drive up during Christmas break to take them down to Baltimore for a few days. They like Baltimore, for some reason. The Baltimore Aquarium got a major face lift in '05, if I remember correctly. There's also the Science Center to visit. Mostly they enjoy staying in a hotel. Finally, I want to go to Denver in February to spend a few days hanging out with Bob and Andrew. There's a gaming convention in Denver in February and we thought it would be a good excuse to get together again.

Saw a commercial the other day saying that Golden Corral restaurants are serving free meals today to veterans, in observance of Veterans Day. From 5-9pm. Gonna see if Dad wants to go that late. It'll probably be crowded. I like eating there. The food is actually pretty good, and there's a lot to choose from. The steaks could be a little better, but no real complaint there.

Snowman

Friday, November 10th, 2006.

12:25pm - Just tried calling the local Social Security office. They have a recording on saying that today's a holiday, and to call back another time. Huh?? What holiday?? Maybe they went out to lunch and put ont he qrong recording. I'll try calling again in about an hour.

12:55pm - I've been meaning to put this one for a while, but can never seem to remember. Well, I remembered now, so here it goes.

This is a short story my son Dante wrote when he was 6. It's very cute ...

"Once on a very snowy day my snowman lamp jumped out the window. When I was up I found my lamp gone. I looked all over the 20 ft house. I did not know that the lamp was buried under the 8 ft snow. I thought he was in the snow but I did not want to shovel. At lunch I did not eat! I just kept on looking. I finally accidentally fell out of the top window to fall 12 ft!! I fell on the lamp. Then I (with my lamp) back to the window. Then I went to bed!"

Pretty darned cool!!

1:35pm - Well, don't I feel stupid. Today is Veterans Day. Thank you, brothers and sisters who were or have worn the uniform.

10:30pm - I've had much to drink tonight, and am feeling no pain.

Tomorrow

Thursday, November 9th, 2006

4:00pm - Helped Dad fix the pool pump. Note to self: NEVER own a pool!!

Called Social Security a little while ago to see if they could tell me anything about my claim. Spoke with a young lady who confirmed that my claim was approved, but could tell me nothing more. She refered me to the Kissimmee SS office. I tried calling them, but they close at 3:30pm. That's lame. So, I'll have to call them tomorrow.

11:15pm - Loged into the 9412 chat. Dave and Ana aren't DJing tonight. They've been having some serious familial issues lately. I just hope all is well with them. Randy Fender is the DJ tonight. Sat in there for a while, but dude never even acknowledge my existence. Lame.

Don't Worry

Wednesday, November 8th, 2006

10:40pm - I did something yesterday which is way out of character for me. I gave the blog address to the people on the 9412 chat. Nothing inherently qrong with that, just not something I'm prone to do. It was okay when unkowns were reading the blog, but now these are people I have contact with. Oh, well.

10:45pm - Quiet in the chat tonight. Only Bijou and Tundra are talking. Well, Dave and Ana, and me, too.

10:50pm - Ghost just woke up. Bijou just signed off.

10:55pm - Met with my shrink this morning. Everything was going well until she told me they're changing one of my meds. I'm currently taking and extended release version, which I take once daily, but the VA says it's too expensive so they're going to switch me to the regular version, which I'll have to take twice daily. In theory, it should work the same, but she warned me that I could expect to feel a little different for about a week or two, while my body got adjusted. Just great. I have been stable for about three months now, with only one really bad episode. Now they're going to mess with my meds. Great. Just great.

The one bad episode occured back in September. I originally filed for Social Security Disability back in the Spring of '05. In August of '05 I got a letter stating that my claim had not been approved. Did you know that 60% of first-time applications for benefits are denied?? So, I got a lawyer to help with the appeal. We filed for the appeal in September of '05. Nothing else was heard for a few months. Whatever. I finally got a three page letter from the SS on Friday, September 22nd, of this year. The first paragraph of the letter sent me into a horrible funk, from which I almost didn't come out.

The paragraph in question goes as follows" "You asked us to take another look at your Social Security disability case. Someone who did not make the first decision reviwed your case, including any new facts we received. After reviewing all of the information carefully, we found that our first decision was correct. We have enclosed a page that gives you more details about the decision on your case." So, basically, I got turned down again.

It was late on Friday afternoon so I couldn't call my lawyer to talk about the letter. It was also too late to call my shrink. I was so angry about this letter. I managed to stay in control until the following Saturday evening. I finally couldn't take it anymore. I was tired of being a vegetable, of mooching off of my folks. I was just tired. I lined up a bunch of my Seroquels and decided to just start taking them until I ran out of pills. Seroquel is one of my best meds. Without it, I cannot sleep, period. I figured if I take enough of these, I just wouldn't wake up again.

I sat at the edge of my bed staring at all these little pills on my dresser. And going through all of the bad things that were going to come out of my od-ing. This went for hours, me staring at these pills. I finally lay down on my belly facing the dresser and continued staring at the pills and beating myself up. Thankfully, I fell asleep. Truth.

Woke up Sunday morning, feeling real stupid for having fallen asleep, but grateful, too. I did some straight thinking on Sunday, finally convincing myself to wait until Monday, when I could speak with my lawyer. Monday came, so off the lawyer's office we went. I keep saying "lawyer," but I only ever spoke with a para-legal. She's a nice lady, and was very helpful.

So, I meet with the para-legal. She is surprised by my reaction to the letter. She points me to the third page where it reads: "blah, blah, blah ... We agree that you are disabled. blah, blah, blah ... Considering the severity of you condition, and our medical experience with your type of condition, we are establishing 8/31/04 as the beginning date of your disability." So, I have been disabled since August of '04. Cool. Great!! They approved it!! The para-legal went on to explain that I probably wouldn't hear anything else back from the SS for a couple of months. She said that this was normal and not to worry.